Broken-Hearted is Not Always Broken
Who wants to get broken-hearted twice? NOBODY, of course. However, I felt it. What did I feel? Everyone who had experienced broken-hearted must know how it felt like. It cannot be described in words, so just feel it by yourself (LOL :D), but if you insist me on saying the feelings, yaaaah, I was feeling restless, inferior, exhausted by my own thoughts, and broken inside and outside. I kept blaming myself. I kept saying that I was the one who caused all of these problems. I kept reflecting on what had happened to me during these 3 months.
Three months ago on August 6th 2016, I was still on my community service (Kuliah Kerja Nyata) duty, and on that day, I was sick. I decided not to take some rest in Jogja because there were many programs that my group had to finish and I could not leave them alone. I was being too perfectionist. I wanted everything to be great and without any flaws. That was why; I forced myself to keep working without having a rest. On the other side, I expected someone to visit me and check on my condition. Because he just started working, he was so busy and he had no time to see me. I felt okay with that reason. But then, we had other conflicts and our relationship got worse. I wish we did not give up on each other, unfortunately, we did.
So, after I finished my community service, I started my college activities and my job. It was a very difficult moment. I missed my family because I did not have time to go to my hometown before I started over my college. I was shocked by the sudden busy life. I was not ready to face everything alone. Then, someone came. He was so kind, caring, and patient. He was perfect (in my mind at that time). However, as time went by, he could not give more than what every woman expected. For me, it was okay because our relationship was not that serious yet. Without I realize, that thought was only in my conscious mind. However, subconsciously, I was disappointed by his traits, by his not being gentle, and by this situation.
I got broken-hearted for the second time! When I had that thought, I said to myself, “How pity I am. How stupid I am”. However, I thank God that I have a lot of positive friends. When I shared my story with some of my friends, one of them told me, “Don’t be down. You must believe that God has His own purpose. Meeting them is not an accident. You must have learned something from them which changes you into a better person”. Then, when I told my family about this, my mom gave me a lot of suggestions, insights, and enlightenment. She asked me to focus on my study first. She reminded me about my dreams. The most important thing was she asked me to believe in Him totally; to believe that He has created me and everything I will go through perfectly, that I should not be worried about my relationship and be close to Him first. She said, “It is okay to be hurt, but after this, do not hurt yourself and other people anymore. Focus on your first priority, which is pursuing your dream. Love can come later, on the right time.”
This writing might not be important for some people. However, for those who are being on the same boat as me right now, I hope this writing can motivate us. If you are feeling broken-hearted right now, it’s okay to feel sad, down, miserable, and broken, but don’t let those feelings stay for long time. I hope that everyone, including myself, can learn that not everything can go as well as what we want and what we have planned. Whatever happens, life keeps going on. So, let’s move on and face this life with countless positive actions!